When Suicide Comes as a Shock

The first time my life was impacted by suicide, I was 14. My friend, who I sat across from every single day in my high school French class, took his own life in May of our freshman year. It shook all of us. It shook me. It came as a shock. Every day for the rest of the year, I stared at an empty chair that served as a reminder of what should have been. Who should have been.

I don’t remember the second, third, fourth, fifth, or sixth time my life was impacted by suicide. They came in the form of a string of acquaintances and people I used to know. Each time, it was a shock. Each time, we all said, “There were no warning signs.” Each time, we asked ourselves what we had missed.

I can’t count the number of times I have received a message or a phone call that a friend is considering suicide. I’ve stayed up all night talking to friends thinking about taking their lives. I sat in the stairwell of my church during my summer college internship and tried to remind a friend why life is worth living. I have reported plans of suicide attempts made by kids far too young to understand the finality of what they are planning. Each time, it was a shock. My police officer brother-in-law has told us of scene after scene he has responded to where someone has taken or tried to take their own life. Each time, every single time, the families were shocked.

That right there, the fact that it is always a shock, is the problem. We know when someone in our lives is struggling with cancer or an illness or needs surgery. We show up. We bring meals. We visit.

But when was the last time you knew someone was struggling with depression? With anxiety? With some other mental illness? In the rare instance when you do know, what do you do? Do you show up and meet them where they are, or does it make you too uncomfortable?

I don’t have the answers, but I know that something desperately needs to change. I know that I’m going to show up, reach out, and try to act as a lifeline. I hope that you’ll join me.

If you are someone that is considering suicide, please know that you aren’t alone. It isn’t the only option. All hope has not been lost. There are people in your life who love you. Keep going. Reach out to me, or to someone else in your life, or to the Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255 or via their online chat option). Let someone be there for you.